im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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