I wannas sexs uuuuu
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
