My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
