No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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