Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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