Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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