That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
