she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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