In the future we'll all be gay
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
