His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
