I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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