I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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