Fuck appropriateness.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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