it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
