i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
