u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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