I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
