; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
