I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
