no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
