she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You have to summon your inner elephant
Randomize
