Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
