so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
