I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
