I faked an abortion last night.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Floor bacon is actually really good
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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