There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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