Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
