just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
