I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
