Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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