I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
