I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
