I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
