girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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