ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
