who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
3pm strippers are depressing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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