time to smoke my breakfast
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
