As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
