i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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