You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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