someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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