did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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