you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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