you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
