i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
