I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
