The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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