I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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