theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
