Do you still have your period?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
