I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
