A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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