DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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