I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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