i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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