I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
