Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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