Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
