My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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