just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
