You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
