dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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